Theater Time Again
by spare
Summary: Ch. 2! The Slayers are off to another quest to get the Phoenix Tear of the theater city Cyrilla. However, to be even let into the palace, they must join a theater company as performers in a romantic play -- with Filia and Xellos as the lead actors!
1. Crazy

Disclaimer: Now who is really gullible enough to believe that a psychotic seventeen-year-old could own this kick-ass anime series? Anyway, for formality's sake, yeah yeah, I don't own Slayers, I don't own these characters, yadayada. Except for Crisanta and the other non-series peeps. On with the story!  
  
- Theater Time Again -  
  
Chapter 1: Encountering The Usual Roadblocks  
  
"Well, we're here, everyone," Filia Ul Copt announced happily. She looked at the map, nodded contentedly, rolled it up, and tucked it back to Ceipheed knows where. "Cyrilla, the Theater Capital of the World!" She was about to take out her tea set to celebrate their arrival when she felt the unmistakable presence of a certain filthy, disgusting, annoying little--  
  
"Lovely day for another losing game of Hit The Annoying Namagomi, isn't it, Filia-san?" a smug voice taunted, breathing down on her neck.  
  
The dragon jumped. "Stupid namagomi!!!" she shrieked, spinning around to face him. Thereby followed a series of rants, threats, and even attempts at actual bodily harm in the form of Mace-sama.  
  
"Missed me!" Xellos chirped happily.  
  
Chi fires blazed in Filia's eyes. "Die!!!"  
  
SWING.  
  
Dodge.  
  
The rest of the group regarded this with bored indifference.  
  
"Ne, it seems like Filia's route was right after all," Gourry commented, stretching.  
  
Lina eyed him. "Remember the last time you said that," she warned, watching the dragon warily in case she might have heard. Not that it was needed, seeing as the said maiden was preoccupied with the Mazoku. The sorceress rubbed her stomach. It had been a full two hours since she last ate! "Whatever though, I'm starving! Where's the inn?"  
  
Gourry and Amelia nodded in agreement. "Yeah, food! Food!" they yelled, right at the same time a certain ex-dragon priestess screamed "Namagomi!!! I'll get you!!!" and left a cloud trail of dust northwards in pursuit of the trickster.  
  
Zelgadis gave them a very weary look. "We can't stop now," he reminded firmly. "The sooner we bust into the royal palace and st--" he stopped, carefully watching Amelia, "err, *borrow* the Phoenix Tear, the sooner I can become human again."  
  
Lina waved it off, already walking as she caught the delicious scent of cooking food somewhere in the next street. In the same direction Filia and Xellos had gone ahead, too. "That can wait. For now let's get-- Whoa!" She took a step back, narrowly avoiding running into--  
  
"Get away from me!" A young woman of perhaps sixteen years of age screamed as she burst into the intersection. Her clothes were differently cut and colorful, framing a deeply tanned body, and hair and eyes the color of ebony. Looking back over her shoulder, she glared at the two men who emerged from the alley right after her.  
  
Two burly and quite obviously drunk men, one should note. One of them tsked and leered at her, showing yellow, rotted teeth. "Now, now, little missy, all we want is some t--"  
  
"You heard her," Lina cut in, stepping between them and crossing her arms defiantly.  
  
The other goon peered at her. "And who the hell might you be?"  
  
"Evildoers!" Amelia shouted in her Justice Speech voice from the rooftop of the nearest house before Lina-san could reply. Ooh, a different opening. Hey, she'd been working on this for the past month, and now was a good time as any to try it! Proudly, she recited something along the lines of the evil of the two big goons and how in the name of Justice eternal and the honor of all maidens, she, Amelia Wil Telsa Saillune, shall reave punishment upon them!  
  
Lina facefaulted. Zelgadis sweatdropped. Gourry clapped. The gypsy girl took a step back, but the drunks noticed her, and continued advancing upon them.  
  
Recovering from the facefault, the sorceress held out her arms defensively between them. "Wait a sec here! Didn't I tell you boys to do as the lady says? Bust off!"  
  
"Get out of the way, you little runt," the one with the yellow teeth stated, looking down upon her.  
  
Uh-oh.  
  
Lina's face visibly darkened, and an evil glow flared forth from her eyes. "... 'Runt'?" she repeated. Zelgadis, Gourry, and the gypsy girl joined Amelia in the relative safety of the roof.  
  
The other guy sneered at her, nodding and slapping his thigh. "Yeah, Boney said, RUNT, you idiot--"  
  
"FIREBALL!!!"  
  
Bingo. Two flash-fried drunken rascals sent scrabbling off to the nearest hills.  
  
*~*  
  
"Again, thanks for saving me," the gypsy girl whose name turned out to be Crisanta Yavgeny said, bowing respectfully, after the introductions and explanations were exchanged.  
  
Lina smiled, flipping her red hair back. "No sweat," she replied. "I needed to let off my usual daily fireball, anyway."  
  
Gourry nodded sagely. "Yeah. Usually when we couldn't find bandits she'd fireball ME," he whispered to the girl, only to get pounded by the redhead.  
  
Crisanta chuckled, trying not to sweatdrop. "If there's anything I could do to repay you..."  
  
Zelgadis shrugged. "Where's the street to the royal palace?"  
  
"Where's the nearest inn?" Lina and Amelia inquired hopefully.  
  
"Why are you wearing strange clothes?" Gourry offered.  
  
Crisanta-san sweatdropped. "Well... To answer the first two questions, you're lucky, because the street leading to the Cyrillan Royal Palace, Thespia, happens to have a great inn, the Drama Tavern." She turned to the swordsman. "And I'm wearing these clothes because I'm an actress. I belong to the travelling theater company of Lune."  
  
Amelia gazed at her with adoration. "Hey, I've heard of your group!" she exclaimed. "You're really good, and Daddy was planning to invite you guys to perform for us!"  
  
"So what brings you here?" Lina followed up.  
  
"Oh, right, you wouldn't know," the gypsy shook her head apologetically, smiled again. "It's the annual Theater Festival, you see. Every year the kingdom of Cyrilla holds a competition among the theater groups all over the region," she explained. "Consequently, I came here with my Papan and the rest of Teatro Luna to participate."  
  
"Ooh, can we watch?!" Amelia asked excitedly.  
  
"The opening night is scheduled a few days from now," she said. "I would give you our promotional poster, but I do not have any with me right now. But you could perhaps see it posted outside the palace or the square." She looked up at the present position of the sun, bowed to them again. "Forgive me, but I must take leave of you now. Papan expects me at the square at this moment." She waved at them. "Hopefully we will meet again," the gypsy put in on a final note, and walked off.  
  
Gourry rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "So THAT'S why this city is called 'the Theater Capital of the World'!" he surmised.  
  
"Obviously," Lina added, and then winced. Her stomach was starting to growl. "Alright, everybody, let's head to the Drama Tavern!" she announced, heading north. "Who knows, maybe Xellos and Filia are already there, waiting for us!"  
  
"FOOD!" Amelia and Gourry intoned cheerfully, following her.  
  
Zelgadis shrugged again, shook his head, and walked on leisurely after them.  
  
*~*  
  
"What do you mean, we can't enter?!" Lina Inverse, Bandit Killer and Dragon Spooker extraordinaire, glared menacingly at the stubborn guardsmen. "We came here to see the exhibit!"  
  
The tall guard shook his head. "Sorry, but this area is off limits."  
  
"Yeah, no commoners except for members of the theater companies or domestic staff are allowed inside," the shorter one intoned.  
  
A light bulb appeared momentarily above Lina's flame-haired head. "Sirs, but we aren't commoners! Travelling with us is the crown princess of Saillune--" she gestured to Amelia, "the Grandson of the Red Priest Rezo--" she indicated Zelgadis, "a former priestess of the Fire Dragon King--" she turned to Filia, "the legendary Swordsman of Light--" she grabbed Gourry, by this time fully shifting into show host/carnival barker mode (^^;;;), "and most importantly, the Beautiful Sorceress Genius," she paused, partly for dramatic effect and partly because she was out of breath, "yours truly!" she finished, jerking a gloved thumb against her (dare we describe it?) chest.  
  
"Um, Lina-san..."  
  
"Yeouch, Lina, let go!"  
  
"Eh?" The redhead broke off of her revelry and turned to her friends. Amelia was sweatdropping, Zelgadis looked ready to Dil Brando her for the mention of his relation to Rezo, and Gourry was slowly turning blue as a certain Chimera's skin, considering what part of his being the sorceress had yanked (Uh-uh, not THAT, ye freakin' perverts. e_e). And Filia? Well, the blond dragon was too busy trying to bash a certain purple-haired Mazoku's head off to react.  
  
*~WHSSH, SWWISSSH!!!~*  
  
"Missed me!"  
  
"Hold STILL, you namagomi!!!"  
  
"Uh, sorry about that," Lina muttered, releasing her hold on Gourry's blond hair. She turned back to face the guards, shrugging. "Anyway, as I was saying before, let us--"  
  
*~THWAP-FWAAPH~*  
  
"--in." The sorceress finished weakly. Giving up, she finally turned her attention to the two powerful non-humans behind them who were, at the moment, behaving like little kids.  
  
"Ah, almost got me there, Filia-san," an obnoxiously grinning Xellos Metallium remarked, floating lazily and annoyingly close beside the dragon, "still, you missed. Again. Dra--" he phased out, avoiding a collision with the black blur that was Mace-sama, and reappeared, still smiling, behind her. "--gons are such slow, clumsy creatures, aren't they?"  
  
Filia glared at him, fangs bared. "Why you--" She raised her mace, preparing for another swing. Then, noticing the stares her comrades and the two hapless soldiers were giving her, instantly adopted a more dignified pose. "Oh, Miss Lina," she smiled apologetically, hiding Mace-sama behind her back, "I was just trying to teach this filthy creature here a lesson."  
  
Xellos nodded pleasantly. "Yes, indeed. See, Filia-san here was demonstrating to me the basics of foreplay--"  
  
*~SWWWIIISHHH!!!~*  
  
The Mazoku dodged an especially well-aimed blow.  
  
Lina facefaulted. The rest shared enormous sweatdrops.  
  
"What about him?" the shorter guardsman asked, pointing to the maniacally grinning man with the staff and the black cloak.  
  
"Uh, no one you'd really want to know," the flame-haired sorceress replied, picking herself up off the ground.  
  
The guard seemed to consider this. "So you're all really important people, eh?"  
  
Collective nods, except for Zelgadis, who merely looked away stonily (Ha... ha. -_-;).  
  
The tall guard scratched his chin. "Well, do you have official invitations?" He exchanged incredulous glances with the shorter man. "You can't be let in even if you're of noble blood without invitations."  
  
"What?!!" (Lessee, folks, visualize a Lina with a HUGE head and a most fearsome Glare Of Death upon her face as she says this. An' don't forget the fangs. An' the nerve pulse.) Twitch. She was about to say something especially nasty to follow that up, when--  
  
"Miss Lina?"  
  
Lina blinked. Lucky bastards, she thought, dispelling the fireball she was gathering half-consciously in one hand, as she turned to regard the newcomer.  
  
"Oh, it's you, Crisanta-san!" Amelia exclaimed.  
  
"Miss Amelia," the dark-skinned girl acknowledged, bowing. Then she blinked, looking over to the two bickering people in the background, one of them holding a mace aloft in a not-so-friendly manner. Her eyes widened.  
  
Zelgadis gave a curt nod, Filia hid her tail under her skirts because she just noticed Xellos leering at it, smiling politely all the while, and dear Gourry-kun scratched his head in confusion. "Er, Lina, who's she?"  
  
"You know these people?" the short guard asked the gypsy as the blond swordsman received a brutal pounding from an irate Lina in the background.  
  
Crisanta looked distracted for a moment, turned to the guards, nodded. "Yes."  
  
More yelling.  
  
"I'm sorry, Lina!"  
  
"Jellyfish brains!"  
  
Crisanta sweatdropped. She turned to the group. "Listen, you just... uh, follow me now."  
  
A final pound, and a nod. "OK." Lina answered, dusting her hands. Gourry was lying on the ground, swirly-eyed and making a v-sign. The rest of the merry troup were sharing tea with Filia. Yep, even Xellos. Couldn't swat away the guy.  
  
*~*  
  
Author's Rantings: (sigh) Here I go again, starting another fanfic I may not finish. Why? Weeell, let's just say the blissful strain of writing Just Another AU is taking its toll on little ol' me. It's become WAY too serious for my own mind to handle. (points at the corporate plot holes... btw, thanks for Mynuet-sama for clearing things up! You rule!) That's why I decided to release my truckload of pent-up humor in this new fic! ^_^v Hehe. Anyways, reviews make me a very happy chibi, so go on, clickie that nice review button!  
  
AND SO BEGINS ANOTHER ADVENTURE... 


	2. The Problem

Disclaimer: Nope, don't own Slayers. Never claimed to...  
  
- Theater Time Again -  
  
Chapter 2: Star-Crossed Lovers?  
  
Crisanta led them to the eastern district at the edge of the city. The area was crowded to say the least; people, actors, actresses and theater people all, hurried about, some plainly clothed, others bedecked in the fanciest costumes, some carting rolls of cloth and carpeting and other such goods. Several tents of varying shapes, colors and sizes now stood in the previously empty lot, put up as they were by the theater groups who were to stay in the city temporarily to participate in the annual Theater Festival.  
  
The Slayers, consequently, were now safely inside one particular tent. It was that of Teatro Luna, and it was there that the gypsy Crisanta lent an ear on their current dilemma.  
  
"Namagomi!!!"  
  
Chuckle. "Slow!"  
  
"I'll show you!!!!"  
  
"Will you keep it down, please?"  
  
The rest of the group shrugged, sweatdropping, and turned back to Crisanta.  
  
"So let me get this straight," the dark-eyed gypsy reiterated, "You want to get in the Cyrillan Royal Palace to see the Phoenix Tear?"  
  
Lina nodded. "That's right."  
  
"But you can't, because only those with invitations can come in."  
  
"Uh-huh."  
  
Crisanta smiled, taking out a roll of parchment from somewhere behind her. She unfurled it with a single flap, holding it aloft for all to see. "Well, guess what this is!"  
  
The rest of the group stared at the scroll. Stamped at the bottom of the fancily detailed script was what looked like a wax crest detailed with vines, roses... and a flaming bird.  
  
"That's the royal crest of Cyrilla!" Amelia exclaimed.  
  
Lina snapped her fingers. "Then that's--"  
  
"The official pass to get in the Palace, yes," the gypsy girl finished for her.  
  
Gourry held thumb to jaw. "So with that, we can freely get in and out of the royal palace, right?"  
  
Crisanta nodded agreeably. "Right."  
  
"And we can see the Phoenix Tear?" Zelgadis put in.  
  
"Yup."  
  
Two pairs of eyes glinted in the dim light of the room.  
  
"Out of the way, Zel!!!"  
  
"Lay off! I need this more th-- OWW!"  
  
The gypsy whistled innocently as a Chimera and a flame-haired sorceress collided head on with each other on the spot where she was not a few seconds ago.  
  
"Mr. Zelgadis, are you alright?" Amelia asked, looking worriedly at his swirly-eyed spot on the floor.  
  
Crisanta cleared her throat, tucking back the parchment into who knows were. "Unfortunately, I cannot give our theater company's pass away so freely."  
  
"Ow, come on?" Lina winced, rubbing the side of her head. "Felt like I slammed into a wall." She turned to Zelgadis.  
  
Zelgadis: *cold glare*  
  
The gypsy girl shook her head. "I can't."  
  
"We did save you, didn't we?" the redhead continued. She gave her best cutesy smile. "So be a nice little actress and give us the pass."  
  
Head shake. "... I can't."  
  
"Come on," Lina said a little too sweetly, fangs showing.  
  
Crisanta grinned nervously, backing away, but still shook her head, sweatdropping. "Er, look, c-can't we make a bargain here? I mean, I need your help and--"  
  
A ball of light appeared between the sorceress' hands.  
  
"Wait!" The gypsy held out one hand, the other quickly procuring--  
  
...  
  
Zelgadis' eyes bugged out. So did Amelia's. Lina collapsed on the floor. Gourry stared blankly. Filia and Xellos temporarily looked up from their adversarial activities, noticing the shift in atmosphere, and... Well... Blinked.  
  
All eyes had settled on the promotional poster the young woman held in one hand. Or, to be exact, what was ON the poster.  
  
...  
  
And to be even more exact, just WHO were on the poster.  
  
"... Is that...?" Zel-kun began, not really sure he was seeing right.  
  
"Filia-san... and Xellos-san?" Amelia finished for him.  
  
"OK..." Lina added helpfully. "Now I am freaked out."  
  
Blink.  
  
Crisanta beamed cheerily on, oblivious to her audience's reactions. "Yes, they really look like them, don't they?" she said, making cute sheepish poses all around the room. True enough, the couple portrayed upon the glossy sheet of paper bore an uncanny resemblance to the two. Nevermind that the female had long blonde hair with twin bangs and big blue eyes, or that the tall guy hugging her close to his chest had dark purple hair cut ala chili bowl fashion; the girl was also tall and slender, facial features delicate, and who apparently was her lover had the same pale complexion, narrow eyes, and pointy little nose.  
  
Gourry scratched his head, puzzled. "Um, Lina, why is Xellos hugging Filia in that picture?"  
  
Twitch. Twitch. Twitchie.  
  
"THAT'S NOT US!!!" A very irate dragon and a Mazoku with a cheek twitch yelled at the same time, just as the hapless blond swordsman developed three huge and near-consecutive head bumps and collapsed on the dusty floor, K.O.'d.  
  
"Baka," Lina muttered tiredly, nerve pulse appearing on the side of her head.  
  
*~*  
  
"Oww, that hurt, Lina," Gourry whined, tapping the side of his head, after Amelia revived him when they noticed he was down longer than usual. "I was only asking..."  
  
"Filia hit you harder," the sorceress retorted back.  
  
The blonde dragon folded her arms. "I did not!" She pointed to Xellos cross-leggedly floating a few feet apart of them. "That filthy creature did."  
  
The corner of the Mazoku's violet brow twitched at 'filth'. "So typical of dragons to blame others for their own faults," he let off coolly, teleporting right beside the former priestess, "ne, Filia-san?" He retained his wooden smile, though a bit strained, and winked infuriatingly at her.  
  
"Eeek! Stay away from me, you namagomi!" The blonde shrieked, sidestepping away.  
  
Zelgadis shrugged, and turned to Crisanta. "So you tell us the lead actors for your play happen to look like those two?" he asked, jerking his thumb at the fuming dragon and Mr. Genki Purple Head himself.  
  
The gypsy bobbed her head in affirmation. "Yes. See, that is why I need your help."  
  
"Our help?" Amelia blinked. "On what?"  
  
Crisanta sighed. "... On our play," she finally let out, staring at the floor.  
  
Lina's ears perked up at the word. "... A play?" she repeated, vague, bitter memories of the last time she found herself participating in such as... as...  
  
"'The Fall of Lina Inverse, Enemy of All Who Live'?" Zelgadis read aloud the book the gypsy girl showed him. He sweatdropped.  
  
"My, so they have a play in honor of Lina-san?" Filia inquired, taking a look at the manuscript, and generally ignoring the Mazoku making faces behind her back.  
  
"I would hardly call it that," Zelgadis interceded. "This must be the fifth adaptation or so..." The Chimera stopped, looking warily on at Lina, a very pronounced nerve pulse appearing on the side of her head.  
  
Crisanta snatched the book and tucked it back under her clothes. "THAT'S what the rival theater group will be presenting," she amended, smiling placatingly. She drew out another book, almost as thick as the other one, bound in red leather covering. "What our group will present, however, is this!" With a fluorish, the gypsy showed them the title of the play.  
  
"'The Love Song'?" They all said as one. Mutual sweatdrops appeared on each of their heads. Glances were exchanged. Polite smiles were pasted on the faces of two young sorceresses, a swordsman, a Chimera, a dragon and a Mazoku.  
  
"Yes, The Love Song!" Crisanta happily went on, oblivious to their less-than-thrilled reactions. Sighing dreamily, she clutched the book to her chest, and produced the poster she showed them earlier, holding it aloft like a banner. The surroundings shifted into pastel-colored, lacy, twinkling shades, and stars appeared in the young gypsy's eyes.  
  
"A tragic tale of two star-crossed lovers, meant to be together, yet separated by the awful cruelty of fate," she said in a heartbreakingly melodramatic voice. Suddenly darkness envelops the room, until a single spotlight shines on the gypsy. "Dante, son of a nobleman and respected by all, a youth of great wisdom and gentility..." The shadows shifted, and Crisanta crossed to the other end of the room, the spotlight following her through. "Lyseria, a maiden of common ancestry, yet gifted with a voice as pure as her heart, a gentle soul of surpassing beauty..."  
  
Like mist, the shadows parted, dissipating back into the pink, twinkling dreamworld. A sigh. "Music doth draw these two together, and fate doth draw them apart. How so will they fare upon the thread of fortune? Dare they deny what beats upon their very hearts?" She struck another pose. "That is our presentation," Crisanta finished, bowing deeply.  
  
Surroundings return to normal.  
  
Amelia was clapping, a dreamy look on her face. Zelgadis turned away. Lina was sweatdropping. Gourry had fallen asleep. And what of Xellos and Filia?  
  
"Oh, Miss Crisanta, what a beautiful story!" the dragon exclaimed, applauding happily.  
  
Xellos squirmed a bit, and rubbed the side of his head. "So do they end up doing double suicide as what usually happens in such tales?"  
  
Crisanta sweatdropped. "Um, not to spoil the story, but no, at least, not technically..."  
  
"Well, what does the play have to do with us?" Lina asked, still not sure if all this was because of that extra plate of dumplings she had an hour ago. "Aside from your lead actors looking like Xel and Fi, I mean." They all looked at the two individuals mentioned, then back to the now popular poster.  
  
"Yare yare," Xellos remarked, "So there's somebody out there who looks very much like you, Filia-san? I pity the poor girl."  
  
The dragon glared at him, but retained her composure. "As I do the poor fellow who resembles you," she smoothly replied. "But then, you do have the reek and stench unique only to those of your kind, so I can't say it's a lost matter for him." She shrugged, and cocked her head to the side, content that the said Mazoku was visibly irked by the insult. Well, if physical assaults would not get to the namagomi, her verbal assaults will.  
  
"But that's just it!" Crisanta declared just before Xellos could put a word in. She shook her head. "You see, our lead actors -- Eric and Sylvia -- they... uhh..." she broke off, hesitating, a frown breaking upon her features.  
  
"What happened to them, Crisanta-san?" Amelia asked, gently prodding her on.  
  
The gypsy looked up to them. "See, it's rather embarrassing for me to tell you all this, but..." she sighed again, as if deciding it would be good to let it out at last. "They ran away," she finally said in a rush.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Just this morning. I think the proper word is 'eloped'. Papan found a note outside our tent, telling him not to worry, they were off to discover the new world together, acting just didn't appeal to them anymore, and they're so sorry about the festival and the competition--" she broke off again, bowing her head in despair.  
  
Zelgadis frowned. "So you're telling us that your lead actor and actress ran off together?"  
  
Crisanta nodded.  
  
"Oh, that's just terrible!" Amelia exclaimed.  
  
"Ditto for me," Lina put in. "Running away days before an important event..."  
  
"Rather irresponsible of them, wasn't it?" Filia inquired.  
  
The gypsy stood up, smoothing down her skirts. "You do not know Sylvia and Eric," she said, shaking her head wryly once more. "Very impulsive, those two. And the fact that they are both easily swayed by their emotions, their dreams -- well, it helps a lot in their acting -- but in real situations, they easily get out of hand." She sat down again. "And look what mess they have made! Now our theater company would not be able to particiapte in the competition!" she wailed.  
  
"I know of a certain dragon with a very loose hold over self-control," Xellos commented off-hand, right where Filia could hear. Said former shrine maiden fumed, and was about to say something nasty to the Mazoku, when she suddenly found herself -- and said purple-haired demon -- suddenly glomped by a teary-eyed gypsy.  
  
Gourry snored in the background. Everyone else in the room tried not to sweatdrop.  
  
"But then I found you two!!!" Crisanta continued, deep brown eyes filling with adoration and hope. Xellos squirmed. Filia blinked.  
  
Gourry snored.  
  
It suddenly dawned on the rest of the tent occupants just what the cute gypsy girl was getting at.  
  
"Oh, no..." Lina began. "Not again..."  
  
But the look on Crisanta's eyes confirmed the sorceress' fears.  
  
Filia blinked again. "Miss Crisanta... you mean, we... I and the namagomi... you want us to fill in the lead roles?"  
  
The gypsy nodded.  
  
Silence.  
  
Gourry yawned awake. "Uh, did I miss anything?"  
  
*~*  
  
Author's Rantings: Um, I should accredit the 'Mr. Genki Purple Head' title to the fic written by Miss Battlejoy. And uh, listen to this while playing Bakuretsu Hunter's ending song Mask. Trust me. Where were we again? Oh, yes, inputs, comments, and suggestions are most welcome. Have you not figured out I live solely for reviews? ^_^ E-mail me at aki_ross_143@yahoo.com, as I check it most often.  
  
And as Mica in cold-blooded bitchy mode is apt to say:  
  
YOUR SILENCE IS DEAFENING... AS WELL AS DISCOURAGING... SO TYPE UP!  
  
... Please? ^^ 


	3. Persuasion

Disclaimer: Now who is really gullible enough to believe that a psychotic seventeen-year-old could own this kick-ass anime series? Anyway, for formality's sake, yeah yeah, I don't own Slayers, I don't own these characters, yadayada. Except for Crisanta and the other non-series peeps. On with the story!  
  
- Theater Time Again -  
  
Chapter 3: Persuasion  
  
"So, Miss Filia, what do you say?" A very glompy-eyed Crisanta asked, hugging the dragon woman's knee.  
  
"Well... um..." She began, balancing out the pros and cons of the gypsy girl's offer. Help out people, good. Having to play opposite the namagomi, bad. Having to work opposite the namagomi in not just any play, but a *romantic* play, very bad. Filia closed her eyes, and shook her head. "I can't, Crisanta. It would be an affront to all I believe in."  
  
The gypsy looked crestfallen. "Mister Xellos?"  
  
Everyone's gaze inadvertently turned to the spot where the Mazoku was nonchalantly floating a few fleeting moments ago. It was empty.  
  
Gourry scratched the side of his head. "Now where did Xellos go?"  
  
Lina fumed, and retorted something about typical Mazoku disappearing when they were most needed.  
  
Crisanta sighed, head bowing in defeat. Dejectedly, she drew out the parchment paper that served as the official pass to the Cyrillan Royal Castle. "I guess this pass isn't so important to you guys, after all," she remarked. "Quite a shame, really. The Phoenix Tear, from what I've heard, is an artifact of great magical power..." Still looking heartbroken, she waved it tantalizingly in the air. Lina and Zel's eyes followed it hungrily.  
  
Amelia looked pleadingly at the priestess of the Fire Dragon King. "Please, Filia-san, won't you reconsider?"  
  
The blond woman shook her head firmly. "My mind is made up, Amelia."  
  
"And this pass (wave) is the only way to (wave) enter the royal castle (wave) without the magical wards (wave) frying you to a crisp, too," Crisanta was going on.  
  
Zelgadis was twitching. Lina's control snapped. "I WANT THAT PASS!!!" she yelled, and made a swipe at it, which the gypsy managed to sidestep with ease.  
  
Swipe. Sidestep. Grab. Miss. Sidestep. Fall.  
  
Needless to say, the activity quickly turned into a free-for-all with Zelgadis and Lina trying to snatch the pass from Crisanta the gypsy, without much success. Did I mention Crisanta gained dodging powers rivalling that of a certain absent lavender-haired Mazoku from years of playing touch football with her theater crew? No? Uh, whatever.  
  
On with the story...  
  
"FIREBALL!!!!" Lina yelled, then stepped back, smoke issuing forth in huge puffy billows from her crispy fried target. She held out her hand to the inert figure lying on the ground. "Alright, Crissy, hand it over and I won't have to do any fur-- what?!"  
  
"You... missed..." A soot-covered and flash fried Zelgadis explained from the floor.  
  
"It wouldn't work, you know," Crisanta commented, sighing from a safe corner of the tent. "I'm Teatro Luna's six-time Touchball Champion."  
  
Lina, Amelia, Zelgadis, and Gourry BLINKED.  
  
Throughout this ordeal, Filia had of course smartly decided that now was a very good time to make herself scarce before a certain flame-haired sorceress noticed her continued existence.  
  
Said flame-haired sorceress slammed one fist into the palm of the other. "That's it!" Lina exclaimed, and resolutely turned to Filia.  
  
Uh-oh.  
  
"And where are you going, Filia dear?" the not-so-endowed sorceress inquired a little too sweetly for the dragon's liking.  
  
Filia smiled innocently. "I ran out of tea, Lina-san. I'm just going out to get some. Ja..." she said, and proceeded to attempt one final sprint to the makeshift door.  
  
"FREEZE ARROW!!!"  
  
....  
  
"Really, everyone, is this necessary?" Filia tried to inquire reasonably from where her feet were planted firmly in place on the ground by a pair of customized ice block boots.  
  
Lina, Crisanta and Zel nodded. Gourry just stared blankly. Amelia shrugged.  
  
The dragon maiden tried another tact. She pointed to the spot where the Mazoku had vanished. "Shouldn't you find him first?"  
  
Lina folded her arms. "We'll deal with him later. For now, though..." She smiled, advancing on the footbound priestess.  
  
Filia resolutely shook her head. "No I won't."  
  
"Yes you will."  
  
Glare. "No. I. Won't."  
  
Equally menacing glare. "Yes. You. Will!" Lina growled through gritted teeth.  
  
Auras clashed. Gazes locked. Filia stared into Lina's eyes, never wavering. Lina stared back.  
  
"Oh, look, it's a staring contest," Gourry commented happily.  
  
...  
  
*~*  
  
Meanwhile, in Wolfpack Island, Lord Beastmaster, Mazoku Lord extraordinaire, sat on her throne, thoroughly engrossed in the activity at hand. Slender fingers caressed the frayed pages of a thick volume. One leg lifted prettily up over the other, propping up the artifact balanced on her knee.  
  
She was busy.  
  
She was not to be disturbed.  
  
She was reading a book.  
  
Well, what? Are there any rules in the Mazoku guidebooks that say they SHOULDN'T read books? Even romance paperbacks?  
  
Zelas chuckled throatily at a particularly, hilariously melodramatic scene some ninety or so pages off the first chapter. Really, the things humans write, so wistfully, prissily hopeful it's pathetic...  
  
However, she was interrupted from her revelry by the sudden surge of dark energy that identified itself as her General-Priest.  
  
Zelas raised an eyebrow as her highest-ranking servant appeared in her throne room. "Why are you here? Did I not tell you to stay with Lina's group until further orders?"  
  
Xellos bowed deeply. "Ah, but something came up, Juuou-sama."  
  
*~*  
  
Back at the tent, two hours, fifteen minutes, and thirty-six seconds later...  
  
Zelgadis looked at his sportsman's watch. "That's it, they broke our record."  
  
"More popcorn?" the blond swordsman offered to the three other people sitting beside him.  
  
"Thanks, Mr. Gourry," Amelia chirped.  
  
"Whoa, they're both good," Crisanta commented, passing the tub.  
  
Zelgadis shrugged, and looked on boredly at the blond dragon and the redhead, still silently engaged in mutual defiant glares. Lina's left brow was twitching. Filia's eyes looked strained. Not very long now... The Chimera thought, allowing the barest shadow of a smile to grace his lips.  
  
Filia blinked.  
  
"Aha! I win!!!" The flame-haired sorceress exclaimed, jumping up, and promptly doing a victory dance around the sweatdropping dragon, who had, consequently, collapsed from sheer exhaustion on the floor.  
  
Crisanta and Zelgadis cheered. "Yes! I knew you could do it, Lina-san!" the gypsy yelled.  
  
"But Miss Lina!!!" Filia protested from the ground (carefully avoiding the puddle of water that accumulated there from the melted freeze arrow).  
  
"It's alright, Miss Filia," Amelia rose up, quick to pat her back while doing Justice Pose #34. "Think about it this way: at least you get to help out Crisanta-san! You should be proud that you're willing to do a deed in the name of justice and righteousness!"  
  
Filia just sat up and buried her head in her arms. "But still, to play opposite the worst enemy of my race!" the dragon wailed.  
  
"No need to act so crushed." Lina stuck out her tongue at her. "It won't be so bad, Filia. You'll see."  
  
Wail.  
  
Crisanta nodded. "It's actually quite fun. You only have about... oh, five kissing scenes to do together."  
  
Louder wailing.  
  
Zelgadis glanced at Crisanta. "Could you maybe insert a scene where Filia gets to beat Xellos to a bloody pulp with a spiked object?"  
  
The gypsy sweatdropped. "It... won't really go well with the story."  
  
Wail.  
  
"Now all we need is to get Xellos to play the part," Lina said, happily oblivious to Filia's wailing. "Where the heck is he, anyway?"  
  
*~*  
  
Back at Wolfpack Island...  
  
"And so you decided to teleport back here," Zelas finished, taking a drag off her cigarette.  
  
"Eh, yes," he replied, grinning his cutest. "At least until this ridiculous affair boils over. You won't mind, would you, mistress?"  
  
Lord Beastmaster shrugged her pretty shoulders. "I can understand the predicament you're in, yes." She blew a smoke ring in his direction, cocked her head, and continued, "But what did you say the play's title was?"  
  
*~*  
  
Back at the tent...  
  
"Where the heck is Xellos, anyway?" Lina asked, now that Filia had been subdued.  
  
As if to answer her question, a purple black bundle suddenly popped into existence from thin air and landed surreptitiously on Gourry's popcorn-occupied lap.  
  
"You rang?" Xellos Metallium inquired, dusting himself off.  
  
"Lina? Who's he?" Gourry asked, pointing to the Mazoku.  
  
The sorceress smacked him upside the head. "That's Xellos, jellyfish for brains!"  
  
"Oh." The swordsman nodded. He proceeded to offer the half-empty popcorn tub to the purple-haired trickster priest. "Popcorn, Xellos?"  
  
"Eh, no," the Mazoku declined. He turned to Crisanta. "Listen, about that... offer..." He seemed to more or less force the words out. "I..."  
  
Filia raised an eyebrow at the namagomi's reluctant behavior. Wait... You don't mean... No! "NO! DON'T SAY IT!" the dragon shrieked.  
  
"I'm in."  
  
Filia wailed. "Noooo..." she moaned weakly.  
  
Xellos' left cheek was twitching mercilessly.  
  
Gourry just shrugged, and polished off the last few kernels of popcorn.  
  
"YES!!!!" Crisanta, Zelgadis, Lina and even Amelia cheered. Said gypsy proceeded to glomp both dragon and Mazoku in one great bear hug for the second time that day.  
  
"Noooooo...." Filia wailed some more. She turned to glare at Xellos, and blinked. Well, at least the piece of trash had the grace to go without his fruitcake grin for one. She proceeded to wail some more, not that anybody in the present company seemed to care.  
  
Xellos, in the meantime, was blearily playing back the rest of his heart to heart with Lord Beastmaster a few minutes ago.  
  
*~*  
  
-- FLASHBACK --  
  
*~*  
  
Zelas started, the copy of whatever book she was holding falling to the floor in her shock. "What did you say the title of the play was, Xellos?" she asked again.  
  
"'The Love Song', mistress," Xellos repeated, bowing deeply.  
  
Lord Beastmaster's eyes narrowed. "The Love Song? You're sure?"  
  
"Certain."  
  
"Oh, my." Composing herself, the Mazoku Lord stretched out a tanned hand towards the book that had fallen. The tome floated easily back to her hand. A predatory smile played upon the features of her perfect face. "Oh, my..." she repeated again. She cradled the book in her arms, eyes falling on the cover. Her smile widened. "Xellos..."  
  
Xellos gave his master a quizzical look. "Er, yes, mistress?"  
  
*~*  
  
-- FLASHBACK --  
  
*~*  
  
Xellos blinked. "'The Love Song'," he whispered. "'The Love Song'!" he repeated, realization lighting his narrow features.  
  
After that, Lord Beastmaster promptly had him teleported back to where Lina-tachi were, without further explanation. He'd had a few fleeting moments to steal a glance to the book Zelas held in hand. The title on the cover, though worn and dog-eared, was quite legible.  
  
The Love Song.  
  
Xellos could feel another cheek twitch coming, and sighed. Then, having nothing better to do, he decided to join Filia in wailing.  
  
"Noooo..."  
  
*~*  
  
Author's Ramblings: Mica here, taking a quick break from my AU fic (JAAUF Chapter 25 is about 33% done...) This chapter is more of a go-between to the next. Have patience, and thanks for feedback! ^_^  
  
BEWARE, OH, BEWAAAAARE THE GIANT BRUSH... 


End file.
